Misunderstood

Depression the big elephant in the room...

Here she is a once happy go lucky girl and suddenly she starts changing due to the elephant in her head  which grew when she carried the weight of the world on her back and everyone around her is like get away "she is not what she used to be" not because she chose but because the disease chose her.

You notice she is more isolated, more irritable, quieter and most of the times in her head, Curses more and snaps even more. No one knows of her little victories like crawling out of bed and how long it takes to get out of the same bed, going out of the house, getting a chore done, attempting to smile.

She reads in between all the lines she has thought about the comment you made a million times and in her head it's misconstrued. She even thinks about the side eye the shop keeper gave yet he was having a bad day.

She worries when the trauma will end. There is an elephant  in her mind and she cant run away from it. The elephant also came with a friend a rhino and they are sharing space in the little compartment of her mind- Anxiety he calls himself.

Each of them struggling to be in her conversations, in her bed while she sleeps, in her social life and even at her work.There are times she is so exhausted from the weight of the two and she wants to die because they have affected her work, her social life and her esteem. She is not the happy go lucky girl she used to be..

Now she prefers being alone and its easier to control her friends the elephant and the rhino as she can enjoy their company since they seem to love to interrupt her life.

These friends affect her ability to work and make a living, they affect how she relates with others and yet she is still supposed to stand with her head high and  everyday she is fighting and winning small little battles that no one knows about or that normal people would deem as nothing as it is normal to them.

She is deemed as lazy yet she has massive pain and fatigue in her body that she cant explain. Her legs aren't even strong enough to keep her standing from the weight of her friends and sometimes its just easier to spend the whole day in bed with her friends who keep her very busy.

She cries in the bathroom whenever she is in public as she is overwhelmed by her friends the elephant and rhino yet she is keeping a brave and strong face, inside she is tired and weary and would want out.

Her friends and family keep a distance  because she has become an onion with her words and deeds yet deep down she is crying for help which she is soo afraid to ask for as she doesn't want to be  a burden that she already feels like she is. She now understands why people commit suicide.